Me & Kate

I think that everything is meant to be.  There are no coincidences.

I think that Kate giving me up for adoption was meant to be – I know that my Soul had work to do with my family who raised me and It wanted to learn certain things from them that I could not have learned had Kate raised me.

I think that finding Kate again was also meant to be – it’s time for us now to do our Soul’s work with each other as well.  Knowing her has given me the opportunity to mend wounds, fix damaged pathways in my brain, shine a light on what was otherwise a serious blind spot.  Simply, to heal.

That healing process has been deeply important for me and I know that none of it could have ever been made possible if it were not for the practice and path that I have found.  I really have to extend my deepest thanks to Dahn Yoga, Brain Education, my teacher Ilchi Lee, as well as many practitioners who trained me along the way,. Through them, I have received an amazing tool set to face myself and overcome myself again and again.  I heard a statistic once that 70% of adopted children become drug & alcohol addicts at some point in their lives.   I am certainly not quoting that – a student of mine once told me that’s what he heard – but I was really amazed when I was given that information. “Wow, I have done a good job!” I thought.  I have worked so hard these last 15 years on an inner journey that has been both extremely turbulent as well as extremely rewarding.  There is no doubt in my mind that it is truly not a coincidence that I found the Dahn Center less than two years after my meeting with Kate.  If I hadn’t, this would have all been a far messier journey.

What I am most grateful for is that I have been able to find the courage to get over myself enough (if even just a tiny bit) to build a real relationship with Kate and to have the chance to love her in this lifetime.  That has been a truly beautiful thing!

As beautiful as it is, still it’s so hard to write about.  It’s hard to explain.  It’s like sticky and numb synapses in my brain are still waking up slowly, uncovering a world of feelings that were lying beneath, unbeknownst to me.  But as I continue to grow and evolve, I uncover more and more, and I feel my heart becoming more free, more alive and more rich.

As my heart changes, so does my relationship with Kate.  I think I can say that our relationship too has become more free, more alive and more rich, and this makes me genuinely happy.  Can it be possible that healing one relationship cleans lifetimes of karma and brightens the past as well as the future?  I have no idea.  But it kind of feels that big ~ 🙂

I remember one visit with Kate.  We were in New York, having a late night dinner at a diner near her house.  I wanted to communicate something with her but I was having a hard time. I felt so stuck and mad and sad and needy and nervous – it was an amalgam of like every feeling tangled into one giant seething ball.  I told her, “There’s a volcano at the bottom of my heart.  It’s hard to express myself because of it.”

To which she replied, “Fuck the volcano and just tell me what you’re trying to say.”

Her bold directness has always been quite refreshing 🙂

Nonetheless, it was all easier said than done.  Sorting through that volcano has been a great effort but I have risen to the challenge.  Still rising.

As I have gotten to know Kate, I believe that I have inherited a certain kind of fortitude and fighting spirit from her, which has certainly helped me along the way.  My fight is the fight for truth, purity, true love, forgiveness, healing and a better world.  It all started the moment I met with my pure Soul and I continue with it every day.

There is so much more that I want to say and in time I will.  But for now I just want to express my gratitude to Kate – who gave me life and suffered a great deal because of me – and for the last 16 years of our heroic journey together.  As she always says, “there is so much more to come, and it will be GOOD.”

 

 

 

 

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