Three months after meeting with my Soul, and one week before I was supposed to head out to New Mexico with Dan, I asked my center manager if I could staff at the next Finding My True Self workshop. I wanted to support other people on their journey. It was this time around when I received a very powerful message that would change the direction of my life.
Mostly, my role at the workshop was to stand outside, greet people, run errands, prepare food for the trainers and staff and support the students with a a friendly smile and hug. However, during the main portion of the training, the most intense part, the door opened and I was allowed into the room with the other ‘ouside staff.’ I was standing in the back of the classroom, sending my love and energy to all of the participants, and suddenly I felt a bright column of light come down to me and surround me. Inside of that illuminated space, my perception was intensified and I had an a-ha moment. Oh, I see, sometimes it feels like we are in hell, but hell is not something outside of us. We are each living inside of our own personal hells, trying to break free. Then I heard a voice inside of my heart so clearly. It was a loud voice. It was my own voice actually, and it told me, “I came to the Earth to awaken Souls.”
That was it. In a moment, my purpose was clear. So clear. My heart felt certain that this was what I needed to do. In fact, this was all that I wanted to do. I wanted to heal this darkened world by awakening the light of the Soul in people’s hearts. I wanted to turn on so many lights until the brightness of humanity was restored. I didn’t want anything more than this.
But I was supposed to leave for New Mexico in one week!!! We had the tent, we had the train tickets, we were all set and ready to go. But at the mere thought of going now, my heart was heavy. Every morning for one week I woke up feeling like I had a brick on my chest. I heard my Soul saying to me, “You found what you were looking for…why are we leaving now?” So after one week of crying my eyes out in confusion, I made a decision. I sat my family down.
“Mom, dad, Dan, I need to tell you something. I decided that I’m not going to New Mexico. Dan, I will travel with you, set up the tent, and explain my choice to the farmers, but then I’m coming back. I have found what I wanted here. If you don’t want to go then you can stay here with me. It is your choice. But my mind is clear.”
My parents, who are too beautiful and too kind to describe in words, made their first courageous choice to trust me. They accepted my decision and stood behind me in support, as they always had, and always would. Dan, of course, was quite shaken up. He tried hard, in all of his goodness, to take it in stride. He told me that he was going to go to New Mexico anyway, do the internship on the farm, and he would return in 8 months when it was over.
I was grateful for all of their love and support. It was probably one of the most difficult decisions that I have ever made, as I am a very loyal and responsible person and I do not break my commitments easily. However, I had never been so sure of something in my entire life. I knew what I wanted to do and what I wanted to live for. I felt a far deeper responsibility and commitment to my Soul, who I had been ignoring my entire life. Finally we had reconnected and I needed to follow the path that was unfolding before me – a path that was so bright and hopeful and included everything that I had always wanted. It provided me with a way to grow the light of truth inside of me, a way to heal the wounds of my life that were limiting me, and a way to help the suffering world. It supported my deepest dream – to see a healthy and peaceful Earth, an Earth that could only change when people’s consciousness changed. Finally it made sense how it could really make it happen, and what I could do. I could turn on the lights. I wanted this more than I ever wanted anything else, and my heart lept with the prospect that this could be my life.
As promised, I saw Dan off and two weeks later returned to the center to dedicate myself to my practice. I spent so much time there, that in a few months I was offered a part time job. Three years and a whole lot of training, practicing and growing later, I became a certified instructor and healer. The great journey of my life, which promised a future of limitless possibilities, had begun.