Brilliant Solitude

“Truly blessed are those who have their own solitary time and space.

They are not easily shaken by the praise or criticism of the world.  When they are weakened and worn down by things that are not true, they can always regain strength by entering that time and space of solitude.

In the great solitude where they are attached to nothing and rely on no one, the world cannot steal their selves from them.”                                      (Ilchi Lee, Calligraphic Messages for Everyday Happiness) 

These days, I am really enjoying the feeling of alone-ness.  Of course, I am sure that I have inherited a fierce sense of independence from Kate, however I have never felt it quite so profoundly as I am nowadays.

It is not a bad thing.  Not at all.  It is beautiful.

I can feel it spreading out all the way to my finger tips and toes.   I can feel it filling me up, straightening me out, empowering me to simply be content in my existence.

For so much of my life I was co-dependent.  I relied on others for love and approval.  I always wanted to be enough for others.  Others, others, others.  I was controlled and shaken so much by their opinions and evaluations of me.  It was exhausting, and always left me feeling shrunken.

But after travelling for many years through a long tunnel of failure, loss and disillusionment, it seems that there really is a light on the other side.  That is the light of my Life.  The true comfort of alone-ness.  The okayness of my Being itself – how comfortable and joyful it is!

It is a feeling of “I am enough.  I am completely enough.  And I am Alive.”

I am very grateful to have found this inside of me.  It feels that I have worked hard to get here.

And from here, all there is to do is to create.  To make my dreams into reality.

Like the shining star in the sky, the setting sun over the lake, the quiet love of the mountain…  I am complete and whole in my solitude.  And no-one can ever take that away from me unless I let them.  What an amazing gift.

sun pic

4 Thoughts.

  1. although I am still trying to figure all of this out hopefully I can at the end, I wanted to say how incredibly brave you are for sharing with the world your story, although my battle runs further deep not quite as much as many of your internal struggles but the closeness i feel to some of your emotions are inspirational to me at the moment.

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