It’s been a long time since I have written.
My life has been quite busy.
However, when I talk with myself honestly, then I know that the truth of the matter is that I have been making different choices these days. Choices to use my time in different ways.
I say this simply because it is a good reflection on choice. Everything is choice. If I forget for even one moment that everything is my choice, then quickly and easily I can fall victim to the circumstance. I can even fall victim to my own life. How sad. I don’t want to live that way. I want to be truly alive each moment, not a victim to each moment.
But still, when I observe myself closely, I can see how it is a very fast and easy road that quickly leads to excuses, self-justifications, blaming and complaining. Can we even call that a road? It’s like a step. One small step and there I am! If I don’t pay attention closely, I might keep going in that direction for a long time. I might go for so long that I begin to even defend my own excuses and victim consciousness as if it’s some kind of Truth. That’s so frightening to me. Ilchi Lee once said, “There is a small worm that eats away our conscience. That is the worm of self-justification.” I believe that in order for me to live as the person I truly want to be in this world, I need to really pay attention.
I think the same thing goes for the times in life when we feel “hurt”. As I have said before, I had a hurt in my life, not too long ago, that I haven’t been able to fully digest yet. I am almost there, but I’m still chewing on the last bits of it 🙂 I have turned it over and around again and again and all it does is back me up against the same wall. And the only way out of that corner is choice. It is ultimately my choice if I want to respond to other people’s choices, behaviors and actions by being hurt. And it is certainly my choice if I want to keep holding onto that for a month or a year or a lifetime. It is 100% my choice.
I heard this story once. I don’t remember where I heard it but it has always stayed with me. It is the story of a Tibetan monk who was imprisoned by the Chinese government when they invaded his country many years ago. This monk was unjustly imprisoned at that time, and proceeded to remain in jail for 20 years. Finally, when he was released, someone from the media came to see him. The media person asked him, “What did you feel in there?” And do you how the monk responded?…..
He said, “I felt that I was in danger of becoming angry.”
This is such a powerful example of choice. The monk had that much strength to stay separated from his own emotions and was able to continuously choose to refrain from falling into the illusion of his own anger. He refrained from becoming a victim of his own circumstance, even in the most extreme situation.
Of course, we are not all like the monk who had an extremely high capacity for self-observation, and that is OK! But the point is, we all really do have choice. Every moment we have a new choice. So, even if we fell into our emotions and victim mentality last week, yesterday, 5 minutes or 50 years ago, we can choose again right now. That is the power of being a human being. We have a new choice every moment.
But where do our choices come from? That is important. For me, I want to choose for my Soul and from my Soul. And through that, I want to create myself to be a Solar Body and my life to be a Solar Life. A bright & healing life. Otherwise my life could become an endless loop of choosing for my thoughts and emotions, which will only lead to more thoughts and more emotions. Whatever we choose, grows.
In this chaotic world, I choose to grow my Soul.