New York!

I recently had a trip to New York.

It was a special occasion because I had the opportunity to see my teacher, Ilchi Lee, in the beautiful setting of the Catskill Mountains at Honor’s Haven Resort in Ellensville, NY.

I hadn’t seen him for about 2 years, and I was very much longing to see him during his visit to the U.S. this time.  He comes a couple times a year and the last few times he was here I didn’t have the chance to attend any of his lectures or training sessions.  I prayed for the opportunity to arise and at the very last moment it came unexpectedly ~ it was truly a gift and a blessing for me!

During the meeting I felt connected with the great Light of Life, had a wonderful time exploring the forest and taking in the holy energy of the land, and felt a deep deep stirring in my heart.  My heart was literally trembling for two days…what was that feeling?

It was a longing from deep within my Soul that is always there, I just cannot always feel it. A longing for a Truth beyond the “reality” that this material civilization presents to us.  A Truth that I have met with in my heart and always yearn for it to infiltrate every corner of my life and ultimately the world we live in.

It was a hope for the bright potential of all of humanity and for a future where our consciousness is centered on the health, happiness and peace of the Earth and all of her living creatures.

It was a desperate wish that I myself can be my best self and contribute to the creation of this beautiful Earth that I dream of.

Yes, seeing my Seu-Seung Nim brought much healing, purification and rejuvenation to my Spirit!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From Honor’s Haven I got a ride to Manhattan where I went to visit Kate, my birth mother.

I have a love/hate relationship with Manhattan.  This is the city where I was born and given away.  It is also a city where I have loved and lost love.  Pulsing with the vibrant energy of human beings, the colors of cultures, the cab rides, the Ubers, the streets filled with shouts and honks and so many languages, so many dreams, so many stories….This epitome of material civilization is like my second home.  Sometimes I feel as if I have lived a parallel life here in an alternate universe, if that makes any sense at all.  It’s romantic and exciting, complicated and eery – this feeling that I have whenever I am in Manhattan.

Also, seeing Kate is always an adventure in and of itself.  First of all, her personality is so different than mine so it is a whirlwind of conversation and drama ~ sometimes very entertaining, sometimes very heart- warming, and other times quite painful.

On this particular trip I was reminded that our first relationship with each other in this lifetime was a difficult one, filled with hurt and confusion, guilt and denial.  And unfortunately it just makes sense that this continues to play itself out in our current relationship in strange and sometimes subtle (sometimes not-so-subtle) ways.  This is just a fact that needs to be dealt with.  The more I face this fact and accept it, the less I suffer.

Again, I was thankful for all of the inner work that I have done that has helped me to identify what’s happening and process the storm of emotions that sometimes take flight inside of me when I am in her presence.  I thought about my sister, who does not know her birth mother, and how much I wanted to tell her “You know, knowing your birth mother is not all that easy.”  In fact, I think to cultivate that relationship we have to be quite strong, so for some it may not be the work their Souls what to do in this lifetime.

Anyway, nevertheless I was happy to have the time to spend with Kate and the happiest moment for me was that I was able to arrange a time for her to meet one of my beloved students, Jesse, who is a die-hard Captain Janeway fan.  It was SO JOYFUL for me to give him the opportunity to finally meet with this person who he watches on the television screen, sometimes episode after episode.  I am infinitely thankful to Kate for opening herself to him and giving him a boost of energy & encouragement.  I felt that we all have our special roles to play in the making of a better world – one beautiful person at a time.

So at the end of this dynamic trip I was reminded again that everything is choice.  And I choose Love.

I love you Danielle.  I love you Kate.  I love you Manhattan.  I love you Jesse. I love you my Seu-Seung Nim.   I love you Life.

And, I love you my life; my journey, my story, my struggles, my memories my perseverance, my heartache, my possibility, my path, my truth, my hope, my dream, my road ahead.  I love all of you.

pic of jessekateme

 

6 Thoughts.

  1. Dear Danielle,

    First I want to thank you for you post, and your brutal but also soul touching honesty. It is a great lesson for me. It reminds me again that we all have our own battles to fight. It doesn’t help us to make or lives, our thoughts or our being prettier than it is. Because it would be a lie.
    The things you feel can not be right or wrong. And by getting them out in the open, those feelings find a way. Most of the time they find a way we would not choose ourselves, but I honestly think they find a way they need to go.
    Because those feelings have work to do, they pinpoint out to us what needs to be addressed.

    And despite the hurt, confusion, guilt and denial, there ALWAYS BE LOVE.

    I need to remind myself of that.

    Love,
    Yvonne

    • Dear Yvonne, it’s so good to hear from you here 🙂 And I am so happy that my honest sharing brings you healing reminders and lessons for you rown life. Isn’t that sucha beautiful gift that we human beings can endlessly give to each other? Much love to you!

  2. Danielle,
    You are right when you say that knowing your birth mother is not easy. You know my situation from me telling you it and your situation with Kate is vastly different from my own which was a violation and invasion of my privacy by my birth mother who had found me illegally (without permission). Yours seemed to be happier, despite the feelings you had felt and may still feel at times. At least Kate had the decency to find you the correct way as I wish my own birth mother had done.

    You being able to reunite with Ilchi Lee SSN must have been special. I have never been able to meet him though I wish I could. Maybe one day. You are my teacher and Mentor, maybe not of the same magnitude as your Seu-Seung-Nim but the feeling is there. I can still stay that I love you because of your genuine and healing heart. Saranghaeyo (yes I know a few words and sentiments in Korean. Have you ever been to a Korean wedding? I have. 2 of my closest friends are Korean and were married in a Korean Presbyterian Church). It was an amazing thing to witness.

    • Dear Taya,

      As much as I really do understand your feelings towards Danielle.
      I think it’s VERY important for you to realise and know that YOU also have a genuine and healing personality within you. Despite everything that happened, you are a genuine, beautiful and loving person. This comes from your own force and strenght within you, and you can trust this strenght and force.
      I believe in you!
      Love,
      Yvonne

    • Dear Taya ~

      Saranghaeyo back to you 😉

      Yes you are right, I am so lucky with the way I have met Kate and have blessed to cultivate the relationship we have. I am very grateful for that. And even within all the beauty and blessings of it, sometimes there are still hardships. This is life’s reality. But for me, I try to smile at that hardship and say “thank you”. I know it’s all part of my life’s study.

      No, I’ve never been to a Korean wedding! I have been to Korea 3 times, though. I speak just a few words, and I love Korean food 🙂

      Sending love & light to you!

  3. You are incredibly lucky to have reunited with Kate the way you have. It can be an amazing experience. There are many hardships in life, yes.

    As for the wedding, it wasn’t held in Korea but the majority of it was in Korean. My friend Sophie (whose first name was Kukwa but she switched it around so that it’s Sophia K.) started off wearing her wedding dress but she switched into the Korean Hanbok following the ceremony for the luncheon and changed back into her gown for the reception. Both mothers were dressed in the traditional Hanbok. When she was speaking during the toast, she referred to her sister as “eonni” 😉 That is as you know what the younger sister calls the older one. During the wedding ceremony, her father had called her both Kukwa and Sophie. You can find the photos from the wedding on my facebook account under Photos of me. I am very good with languages (and a bit of a stickler with proper spelling).I know French, English, Japanese, some Korean and some Spanish and Italian. I too love Korean food!

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