The Primal Wound

I am reading a book called “The Primal Wound: Understanding the Adopted Child.”

It is the first piece of literature I have ever read on adoption.  That fact alone seems kind of odd to me but I just think the subject is too close to home and that’s why I’ve stayed away from it.  I mean, even while watching Kungfu Panda 3 last night with my housemates they were all laughing and I was shouting inside my mind, “But the goose is your real father! Don’t leave him Panda!!” Ah ~ I clearly still have a lot more processing to do 🙂

And this book has shown that to me every step of the way.  At first I would get so angry while reading it. So angry. And I would have to keep putting it down, telling myself that I should probably stop reading it.  I had a strong reaction to the author, her viewpoints on biological parents vs. adoptive parents, and I was uncomfortable with the feeling that labels were being put on me.

Then, I dug a little deeper.   I could clearly see that some of my “stuff” was being stimulated.  I went inside with some guidance and tried to face it head on.  What I discovered was quite profound.

I felt my primal wound.  It is the weakening – extreme weakening – of the Self that happened from the energetic severance of my mother at birth.  I  realized that this is a shadow I have lived with all of my life, and that I have spent a lot of energy trying to fight with that shadow. It was extremely healing and liberating to simply stop the fight.  I was able to embrace it in that moment and I felt an integration with myself that is hard to describe, but it felt like a healing and recovery of my own root.

In addition to the wound, I discovered a protective armor that I formed at the age of one day old. An armor that said to the world, “Well, it looks like I’m on my own.  If my mother doesn’t want me then I’ll just have to mother myself.”  And this protective shell has been with me ever since.  It gives me strength and it also strangles me.  It created a survival mode over-drive inside of me that has caused many hindrances to living my life.

I was happy to meet this armor as well.  Upon meeting it, it now has less control over me. My mentor always used to tell me, “To know yourself is to heal yourself”.  I could really feel it in the last few weeks.

After that, reading the book became easier.  I still felt anger coming up but it was very specific anger towards Kate – an anger that seems to live in my bones. But when I would calmly direct my attention to it then it would start to lift, like dust clearing, and suddenly I would find myself shifting from anger to compassion in my heart.

Now, I am enjoying the book quite a bit. I am finding that there are some things I resonate strongly with, which give me good insight and understanding into myself – kind of like putting the picture together.  Then, there are also things I don’t resonate with at all.  And that’s ok.  There is a calmness about my attitude now, which I am grateful for, although I know it is still a very sensitive topic for me.

I am trying to decide if I recommend this book for other adoptees.  Honestly, it has been a lot of work for me and I don’t know if it would actually be helpful for others who may not be interested in doing that work, so I can’t say that I do for now.  However, I definitely recommend it for adoptive parents or anyone in a relationship with an adopted person.  You may have many aha moments!

Healing, although painful, is joyful for me.  I believe that healing myself is healing the world. As I begin to write my own book I feel like I am stepping into another whole level of that process.  And I can only pray that if the book is ever published someday that it would bring much hope to my fellow adoptees who suffer from this same primal wound.

Join the Movement!

It is an exciting time!

We are building a wave to form a critical mass, so that we can create a consciousness shift in humanity.  Did I ever tell you about the story of 100 monkeys?

In 1950, Scientists did an experiment on a couple of islands off the coast of Japan.  They farmed potatoes and fed them to monkeys.  One day, (this is a very rough version of the story but you will understand the point :)) one of the monkeys went into the ocean to wash off his potato.  He found the taste quite enjoyable, since he could get the dirt off as well as add sea salt to his meal.  So, he continued to do this each day.  Soon, other monkeys began to follow him – monkey see, monkey do – and in no time many monkeys were doing the same thing.

At some point the number reached to 100 monkeys washing their potatoes in the ocean! And from that time, suddenly, without any direct communication, monkeys on another island who were part of this experiment and still eating the dirty potatoes, began to go into the ocean to wash theirs off as well!

What does this show us? Once a critical mass of monkeys were doing one thing on an isolated island, that information actually jumped to another island.  It didn’t require any visual or verbal communication – there was no monkey who called up his monkey friends to tell them about his new discovery.  It was just knowing.   This is consciousness.  It is invisible and in some ways immeasurable, but once it gathers into a critical mass then it jumps and has the possibility to spread far and wide.  The larger the gathering, the farther the ripple will reach.

We can see this in our world today.  Our consciousness is certainly collective.  Unfortunately it leans towards the negative where there seems to be widespread fear and angst, as the collective consciousness is more and more disconnected from its true self, and more and more influenced by selfishness, power and greed.  Thus, we have the current state of humanity – chaotic and causing harm to itself and the Earth.

However, as we know, people are waking up and coming together. It is time!  We are calling this the Earth Citizen Movement.  ECO, the Earth Citizen Organization, seeks to gather the like-minded people who want to build something brighter together, in the name of love for humanity and love for the Earth.  When we simply gather enough hearts and minds, we can create a critical mass, and there will be a shift in the collective consciousness. A shift from darkness to light, from Ego to True Self, from chaos to clarity, from killing to healing, from despair to peace.

This hope lives in my heart and though it might seem naive to some, I believe it can happen…it is happening…right now as we live and breathe.

So, I am inviting all of you who may be reading this to join the Earth Citizen Movement. Since we are living and breathing we might as well put our hearts together and try to create a miracle that the world has never seen!  ECO has just launched a new website where you can learn all about this and see the coming together of nations here who are getting involved.  I hope that all of you too will participate at, where with just a $10 donation you can be a part of a great gathering of consciousness and hope for our future.

As I write this blog I feel so happy to know that there are people from across the globe coming together here in the name of something healing and something good.  In my heart, we are a mini Earth Citizen Movement 🙂  I hope that we can join our small tributary to a bigger stream and eventually swim out into the ocean of consciousness.  The time for change in our world has really come.

Thank you!  I love you!