It’s been over one year now since Kate’s book, “Born With Teeth” came out, and she was in Seattle for the book tour. There is a funny Youtube video from the evening of the talk that a student of mine shared with me on Facebook. It makes me laugh every time I watch it….
I really enjoyed being able to sit next to Kate and answer questions about our relationship that night. I found it to be very healing for me. With Kate, it’s such a sensitive relationship. It’s a short distance to feeling a huge kind of healing that I cannot explain in words, and it is also a short distance to feeling hurt in a way that no one else can trigger. That is the mini-minefield that we are always navigating our way through when we see each other.
I think we do it pretty well 🙂
We had the opportunity to do it again a couple of weeks ago. It was my first visit with her since the night of this book talk. She visited me here in Seattle and we had a day and half of cozy relaxation and catch-up time. She turned to me at dinner on the last night of the visit and said, “You’re not unlike me. You like a good talk, a good kiss, a good movie, a good glass of wine…” In my head I fully agreed with her and added to the list, “and a good dinner, a good bath, a good nap, a good cup of tea…”
What can we say? Although we are different in so many ways, we are Tauruses. And I’m really glad that when Kate comes to visit me, that she can take time amidst her super busy schedule to really Taurus it up.
Of course, there was some mine-field navigating going on as well, but it’s getting easier the more I heal my relationship with myself. After all, that is the key to healing any relationship, isn’t it? One has to first come to deeply understand oneself, and then everything begins to change. Although I have dedicated my life to this kind of inner work, I continue to develop it and upgrade it all the time. In fact, I often have the feeling that I have just begun! In the last year, I have done a tremendous amount of work on my inner wounds relative to my adoption and have made significant headway. It showed up so clearly again when I was with Kate this time and I left feeling so very proud of myself.
Because, in the end, neither me or Kate ever want to cause hurt to each other. We love each other very much. And we wish to make each other happy. But we have our own perspectives, our own lives, our stories, memories and wounds hiding within us that don’t always allow what we want to happen to be manifest in reality. The more I come to accept mine (perspectives, stories, memories, wounds), the more I accept hers. Judgement then turns into compassion, and this is the key of healing. One just simply needs to pay attention to see it as it’s happening….so that we don’t accidentally fall into the hole in our sidewalks 🙂
This takes endless practice and this last visit I could see once again how practice really pays off. I am committed more than ever to keep practicing, keep healing and keep being patiently grateful for the process.