I just returned from another beautiful retreat in Sedona, Mago Garden.
It was special for me in so many ways. I was there with several of my closest students. The weather was HOT and I was enjoying the searing heat soaking into my bones (something that rarely happens here in Seattle). With the hot days days came warm windy starlit nights that evoked a sense of sacredness and a feeling of reverence in and of themselves. And perhaps most importantly, we had the opportunity to train with a very special Master, Ilchi Human Dae Sunsa Nim, who led us all to a profound meeting with our souls.
My meeting with my soul this time was grand and unforgettable. I came to feel myself, complete and whole and full, in and of myself. I recognized that so often I turn my awareness away from my wholeness, looking outside at others, sending subliminal messages to myself that I am not enough. This behavior causes holes inside of me, where energy leaks, and the soul weakens. The message this time was loud and clear and shook inside of me like thunder. I Am Enough. I AM ENOUGH. I AM E-NOUGH. It kept repeating inside of me over and over, as if it was speaking to all of my life, every single tiny moment when I failed to believe it. It felt like the message within me was re-setting my information bank, re-wiring my brain circuit to establish a new belief in my psyche, one that would take strong roots and become unshakeable.
Of course, with every awakening comes a test 🙂 So, the day after this deeply profound and touching experience, I met with a situation where my emotions completely took over me and I ended up having a small altercation with a person who is very dear to me. I won’t go into the details, and the two of us cleared it up rather quickly, but the whole thing saddened me. For hours I kept chewing on it, trying to feel into it and understand what happened. What was the lesson here? And why was it so unsettling to me?
Finally, later that evening on an airplane to L.A., the realization came to me. I take things too personally. I do that when I am not staying present with my enough-ness, and instead looking outward, creating holes within myself. Those holes weaken me and cause me to feel pain and emotion where it was not necessary at all. Because the fact is, I am whole and full and there is no need to take the actions of others so personally. When I do so, I am denying my own complete perfection. And when I was able to come back to myself and say, in the words of Don Miguel Ruiz’s second agreement, “Don’t take anything personally,” I could feel the fullness, warmth and light of my soul filling me once more.
I took this precious awakening with me when I went to L.A. to visit Kate for a day. I could observe how quickly and easily I instinctually take things personally, and I kept trying to step away from that thought pattern and re-establish my wholeness again and again. There were times on that visit that I also failed to do so. I am aware now that it is something that will take a huge amount of effort and practice on my part and I am fully ready and excited for the road ahead! I feel the refreshing breeze of freedom touching my heart from the prison that I have lived in my whole life – the prison of taking things personally and diminishing my own value. This beginning fills me with light and hope!
All souls are on their own journeys. There is no need to take things so personally. Our jobs are to find the lessons and change ourselves anew. Through this, we grow. It is truly a beautiful thing. From this place, forgiveness, acceptance and love arise – for both ourselves, and others. This is the meaning of healing myself, healing my family, and healing my world.