I am enough

I just returned from another beautiful retreat in Sedona, Mago Garden.

It was special for me in so many ways.  I was there with several of my closest students. The weather was HOT and I was enjoying the searing heat soaking into my bones (something that rarely happens here in Seattle).  With the hot days days came warm windy starlit nights that evoked a sense of sacredness and a feeling of reverence in and of themselves.  And perhaps most importantly, we had the opportunity to train with a very special Master, Ilchi Human Dae Sunsa Nim, who led us all to a profound meeting with our souls.

My meeting with my soul this time was grand and unforgettable.  I came to feel myself, complete and whole and full, in and of myself.   I recognized that so often I turn my awareness away from my wholeness, looking outside at others, sending subliminal messages to myself that I am not enough.  This behavior causes holes inside of me, where energy leaks, and the soul weakens.  The message this time was loud and clear and shook inside of me like thunder.  I Am Enough.  I AM ENOUGH.  I AM E-NOUGH.  It kept repeating inside of me over and over, as if it was speaking to all of my life, every single tiny moment when I failed to believe it.  It felt like the message within me was re-setting my information bank, re-wiring my brain circuit to establish a new belief in my psyche, one that would take strong roots and become unshakeable.

Of course, with every awakening comes a test 🙂  So, the day after this deeply profound and touching experience, I met with a situation where my emotions completely took over me and I ended up having a small altercation with a person who is very dear to me.  I won’t go into the details, and the two of us cleared it up rather quickly, but the whole thing saddened me.  For hours I kept chewing on it, trying to feel into it and understand what happened.   What was  the lesson here?  And why was it so unsettling to me?

Finally, later that evening on an airplane to L.A., the realization came to me.   I take things too personally.  I do that when I am not staying present with my enough-ness, and instead looking outward, creating holes within myself.  Those holes weaken me and cause me to feel pain and emotion where it was not necessary at all.  Because the fact is, I am whole and full and there is no need to take the actions of others so personally.  When I do so, I am denying my own complete perfection.  And when I was able to come back to myself and say, in the words of Don Miguel Ruiz’s second agreement, “Don’t take anything personally,” I could feel the fullness, warmth and light of my soul filling me once more.

I took this precious awakening with me when I went to L.A. to visit Kate for a day.  I could observe how quickly and easily I instinctually take things personally, and I kept trying to step away from that thought pattern and re-establish my wholeness again and again.  There were times on that visit that I also failed to do so.  I am aware now that it is something that will take a huge amount of effort and practice on my part and I am fully ready and excited for the road ahead!  I feel the refreshing breeze of freedom touching my heart from the prison that I have lived in my whole life – the prison of taking things personally and diminishing my own value.  This beginning fills me with light and hope!

All souls are on their own journeys.  There is no need to take things so personally.  Our jobs are to find the lessons and change ourselves anew.  Through this, we grow.  It is truly a beautiful thing.  From this place, forgiveness, acceptance and love arise – for both ourselves, and others.   This is the meaning of healing myself, healing my family, and healing my world.

 

10 Thoughts.

  1. Dear Danielle, I am so happy you keep finding more balance within yourself, more knowledge, more enough-ness. I believe I am on a similar path to balance and deeper knowledge of myself. The most beautiful thing is that it is a feeling of having enough, being content, feeling at home in my own skin. Within a month I will start my new job in childcare. It kind of happened to me. It was as if everything was aligned and it just happened. Normally I wpuld be through-the-roof happy, emotions going in every direction. Now I just feel in within me and I have a deep sense of being content, at peace. Being where I should be. Writing this I’m staying for a few days at the sea (don’t live anywhere near the sea). Just swam, walked, read and photographed a lot. The only company was myself. It makes me even feel better, stronger. And finally able to open up. The thing is, I’m most at peace, balanced and happy when I’m alone. But I miss an arm around me, intimacy, being cared for. I think I have found a new chapter to find balance. And I need more that FWB who thinks I’m addictive (it’s a compliment, but it has nothing to do with love).
    I hope you will keep finding your balance. Know that without movement (and difficulties and confrontations) and pain there will be no real balance. It’s all in the movement. Change is movement, balance is movement, knowing yourself is movement. Wishing you all the best, sending you love and lot’s of hugs, Yvonne

    • It’s great to hear from you Yvonne. I’m so glad that things are going well and you are finding your balance. Good luck with your new job and keep enjoying your wholeness!! I am sending love & hugs back to you ~~

  2. Been thinking of you for about 5 days, now I know why. Sounds like a fantastic trip overall! I don’t think we stop learning and growing, or rather, we shouldn’t.

    • I agree 🙂 . There are endless awakenings to be had within! It’s great to hear form you here ~ I love you!

  3. Beautifully written as ever, Danielle, and oh did I need to hear this today. Earlier on I read about how most negative thoughts come to us through compulsion (of course); we see them, and we don’t want to become them, as if we are two different consciousnesses fighting for control… but the more emotional of those consciousnesses (the negative one) usually wins, much to our detriment. The author described it as like an addiction since we feel we have no control over these negative thoughts, which end up trapping us time and time again. How we can all remind ourselves of this terribly important lesson, that we are enough, regularly enough to minimise these lapses in our self-esteem, is another matter entirely, and one only true belief, the belief that each one of us is more important that we give ourselves credit for, will find a resolution to. Thanks so much for your post, enjoy your weekend x

    • I’m glad it was helpful for you Ruth> . The principle is that stronger energy wins. So when the sensation of our emotions is stronger than the sensation of our soul, then our emotions win. Even more important than believing is making efforts to awaken the sensation of the soul. Over and over. Stronger and stronger. Until this sensation grows bigger than the negative feelings and we can fully realize that they are truly just specks of dust on the mountain of great light 🙂 . Enjoy your weekend as well!!

  4. Dear Danielle,
    Thank you for your beautiful post. I am so happy to hear that your realization of being enough has found a home inside your soul.
    Being free of the feeling of having to prove yourself again and again, working hard to deserve love and appreciation: suffice it to say that your blog came at a perfect moment for me. I needed the reminder and I am going to re-read ‘The four agreements’ 🙂
    Early this morning there was a full moon, so I performed a ritual yesterday evening and this morning. I will do it again tonight to let go of some issues. This moon’s theme is about finding your destiny. To me it became very clear that mine is: being a writer, something I keep pushing aside because I am so busy doing other things like finding a new job and managing my emotions. Yesterday evening I suddenly understood that it works the other way around. First I have to be (and want to be!) who I really am and then… everything else will follow almost effortless. Something I knew rationally but could not really experience. Maybe that sounds a bit like the way – I guess – you knew before that the feeling of being enough is the truth, but now you can feel it clearly and it became a part of you?
    Enjoy and celebrate your ‘new born’ feeling of being enough and may it always accompany you. And if new tests on this subject appear in your life; I am sure that you will pass these tests until they vanish.
    Sending you lots of blessings,
    Manon

    • Yes Manon, this is something I have known for a long time, but I feel that the journey is in the unfolding and deepening the experience, feeling and “knowing” of the truth within us.
      I’m glad you have discovered answers for yourself ~ I hope you take immediate actions on them! That’s the best way to solidify it inside. Thank you for your thoughtful comments, and for sharing with us the meaning of this full moon ~ good to know!!

  5. Thank you for “I Am Enough” blog entry. It touched me deeply. It’s a Beautifully written description of the interface between psyche and soul. When I feel stuck in the small “ego me”, taking things way too personally, I try and re-ground or re-center myself in the Source or Mystery from whence my true nature/Self arises. Without this shift in consciousness I cannot say “I Am Enough”. I have occasionally felt that I need help from this Ultimate Reality because sometimes my ‘own’ efforts are not sufficent to break the shackles that keep me unfree. However, when centered There, anything is possible and I can proclaim, “I am enough” . So sometimes I am enough and sometimes I am not enough :)) 💖

    • Thank you for sharing Charlene! I understand you completely 🙂 . But perhaps the truth is that you are ALWAYS enough and sometimes you can get there and sometimes you just can’t. At which time it’s good to see what gets in your way and steals your truth from you. We need to face those things more and more so that we can get back to our enough-ness more and more quickly. Love to you!

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