As an adoptee, trust is a huge giant issue for me. It shows up in every single aspect of my life. I have come to discover “trust issues” rearing their ugly head with everything from myself, to others, to my body, to my environment, to the world.

In her most recent comment on Healing Tree, Yvonne posed the question, “How can I trust myself?” That’s a very good question, and not an easy one to answer. I have found that if you try so hard to trust yourself, it’s kind of like staring into a dark hole that just keeps appearing more and more hopeless and impossible, the more you look. The darkness can be enveloping. You cannot find the answer there. Instead, you just keep fighting with your feeling and the feeling keeps growing bigger.

The only thing that we can do in those moments is to use all of our strength to recognize that the darkness is not me. The hopelessness is not me. And the feeling of lack of trust is also not me. This means, it’s not the truth of me. In fact, it’s not the truth at all, it’s just a feeling that I have inside. It’s just a feeling. Feelings are like clouds. They come, they go. They get really black and fierce, then eventually they disperse, and the light of the sun is revealed again. The light of truth. If we are simply patient, if we give it time, if we recognize it for what it really is, the light will always be seen again.

Please recognize that it’s not that you don’t trust yourself, or others, or whatever the untrusting issue at hand may be. It’s just that you have a feeling of lack of trust inside of you. Again, this is just a feeling, this is not who you really are, nor does it have to be your reality. The reality is, you are a bright shining sun and the clouds of distrust are just covering you temporarily.

Try to feel it in your body. Get really familiar with the actual sensations of distrust. Calm your mind and steady your breathing as you examine and observe these sensations in your body. When you do that, you detach yourself from being lost in the stormy clouds, and now you are just observing them with some distance. You can take a good look at your feeling of distrust, and that is when you have made some separation from it. That is very important! It may even be just a momentary separation before you are sucked back into the the whirlwind of darkness that is the feeling of not trusting oneself and one’s surroundings. But, even that moment is powerful for you. Recognize and appreciate it. It’s from that moment that you are on the slow and steady path to gaining some degree of controllability and mastership over the debilitating feeling of self-doubt.

This has been my experience with it. In practicing this, it has lead to a reduced feeling of anxiety inside, less irrational fears, improved relationships with loved ones, more feeling of freedom and happiness, an empowered ability to make healthier choices, and a sense of maturity in overcoming the threatened child within.

And beyond all of that, it has helped me to connect again more quickly and more deeply with my soul – my true essence – which always brings a sense of healing and peace to my heart. It leaves me with a sense of “inner knowing” that there is the me inside who is always with me, always watching me and can never be injured by a lack of trust. In fact, it feels as if this true nature is trust itself, or at least it is a presence that is void of doubt. It is just Beingness.

The work that we have to do is to put in the effort to diligently practice making this separation, to increase the amount of time that we are able to feel our true, pure, original nature. Then we don’t have to try to trust ourselves anymore, because naturally we come to trust that we can handle any feeling, any stormy clouds that come our way. And that is enough.

In simple summary, don’t try to trust yourself. Try to become really aware of the sensations in your body when you are in self-doubt or any untrusting moment. Feel it. Separate from it. And slowly you will realize that the self who is able to do this, is a part of yourself that always has been and always will be existing in a place that is beyond the duality of trust and doubt.

Yvonne, I hope this is helpful for you 🙂

Until A Smile Spreads

Forgiving someone for a wrong that they have done to you is not easy. However, seeing this person and the action with a new perspective is much easier, and a feeling of forgiveness follows automatically. This is something that, with a little bit of willingness and a little bit of work, anyone can do. The beauty is that it’s actually in our own hands. Whenever we take our power back, it feels good. Whenever we decide to see with our big eyes, and not only our small ego-driven ones, it feels like healing.

From time to time I color in the coloring book that was put out by Manwol Dae Sunsa Nim, the beloved spiritual leader of Sun Tao, entitled, “Healing Hearts, A Coloring Book for Letting Go and Starting Over.”

Not only are the abstract images that she has created for us to color very beautiful, but the messages she invites us to meditate on as we color are filled with simple and yet profound wisdom. Today I would like to share one of my favorites. It’s called: I’ll Forgive You…Until a Smile Spreads.

Not everyone is meant to be exactly like you. Acknowledge that the other person is different from you.

Don’t try to force them to fit standards you have created, thinking, ‘You must be this kind of person.’ Just see them for who they are. Acknowledge that they are an imperfect human being who can sometimes make mistakes, who is sometimes controlled by emotions and desires. There are no perfect people in this world, are there?

After you let go of all your hatred and resentment, peace and compassion will fill your heart, and a gentle smile will spread across your face. It would be great if you could even bless that person, enabling them to live a life for healing others.

While coloring, repeat to yourself, ‘ I’ll forgive you,’ as you exhale until a smile spreads from your heart to your face.

Even for those of you who cannot see the picture in the book to color, I still think it is a powerful message that could be applied to anyone. You may want to draw or color your own picture, or simply sit quietly and breathe and practice the art of forgiveness.

Awakening the Spirit

I had the honor of being interviewed by Dr. Reed Tuckson on his new podcast show, “Dr. Reed Decided to Live 120 Years”.

I had not known Dr. Reed previously, so I was surprised to discover that he is such an incredibly lovely and warm-hearted person! Our short 40 min talk was truly joyful for me. As the conversation went on, I could really feel his spirit, his passion and his light flowing from his being and it made my own heart come alive.

So, I thought I’d share the interview here!

Also, here’s a link to know more about Dr. Reed and the wonderful work he’s doing for the health of humanity…

I am so grateful to all the beautiful souls across the Earth who are sharing their love and light in so many ways! I hope that you enjoy Dr. Reed as much as I have, and if you’d like to see more of his podcasts you can continue to check them out on!