The Light and the Dark

I asked my brother to share my post about my new YouTube show to his friends on Facebook. He’s a rising star artist so I thought it would be a good way to circulate the word out to a new audience.

He told me he’s not on Facebook anymore.

He told me I need to get active on Instagram.

*Sigh*

I barely just pushed myself out of my I-don’t -like-Facebook-I -don’t-want-to-post-anything-there box, and now there’s a whole new challenge to face. Seems like they are never-ending sometimes, doesn’t it?

And these little challenges that we face day to day are not just small things – they are connected to BIG stories, dramas, traumas, memories, and wounds they we have held inside for so long. One tiny little poke and boom, they burst into a mushroom cloud of smoke that covers our eyes. Well, sensitive people like me (and probably like you!) can tend to feel that way.

Truth be told, the reason why I began this mind/body/spirit practice in the first place – and the reason why I continue with it and seek to share it – is because I needed it desperately and I use it every single day of my life. I am an expert at putting to practice all of the things I talk about in every post I write, in every video I make, in every class that I teach. Because I need to 🙂 It has become a great new habit of mine – to practice and share and awaken from what I practiced and shared – a healthy habit replacing the long list of bad habits I was once pinned under like a wrestling match with an over-sized beast.

My journey was born out of darkness. And a deep longing for Freedom.

Today, I find myself still longing for that freedom, getting closer and feeling hope that transformation is possible. If I can do it, anybody can do it. Anybody who really wants to.

Everything begins with our will, our choice. And every step of the journey is carried forward by that same will to make that choice again and again and again…in the face of anything.

Decide who you really want to be, how you really want to live. Choose it. And then run towards it.

Does running include falling down? Yup, it does. Does it include getting a little banged up sometimes? Yes. Does it include feeling exhausted sometimes and lying on the grass for a while, staring at the sky, until you feel ready to get up and move again? Yes. Yes. Yes.

What’s really important is that we are just aware of this process that’s unfolding. That we are becoming conscious beings and conscious creators of our lives.

These days I have been reading different books and watching different speakers on YouTube. I really feel hope. From one perspective, the world is getting much brighter. People are waking up. And not only are they waking up, but they are sharing their awakenings in attempt to help enlighten and enliven others. It’s truly a beautiful thing. It’s like a global movement that we don’t even realize we are a a part of.

At the same time, flip the channel and the world looks like a dark terrifying place….like, what the hell is going on??? How can human beings be such a way and do such a thing to one another and to our beloved planet?

Yes, it’s all existing at the same moment in time. The light and the dark. And the principle of energy is: The Stronger Energy Wins.

That’s where you come in. Each one of us are so important to determine the “winner” here. Which energy will you feed each moment? The Light or the Dark? Again, everything is up to choice. And will. And the more we see our role in this – that each one of our heart’s and minds are so important, as we are profoundly connected in one energy field, one consciousness, the stronger your will can become.

That’s my will. No matter how dark it was and how dark it can be, no matter how many boxes I have to smash through, how many challenges I have to overcome, how many beasts I have to unpin myself from…I will never stop choosing. The stakes are high to me. My freedom is waiting. And I feel the heart and breath of my Mother Earth, watching her children, wondering, “what will they choose for me?”

Let’s have courage. Blessings to us all ~

My 2019 Surrender

It’s mid-October and there is only 1.5 months left in this year. I think that it’s a good time to self-assess our 2019 goals!

For me, this year’s theme was “Letting Go, Letting Go, Letting Go.” Yes, I put THREE Letting Go’s in there! What was I thinking ??! 🙂

Well, it turned out that I did have quite a big letting go experience this year. It was an experience that taught me – for the first time – what true letting go really is.

It was not a pleasant experience, mind you. Not while I was in the middle of it, anyway. It felt like dying. Ego dying. Because, in fact, my ego was dying.

The ego doesn’t go out easily. Its instinct is to live. It has its roots in the human body, so it behaves with the same program as the physical body – the program to survive.

The soul, however, has its roots in the Divine Oneness. It exists in and of itself eternally. Therefore, it doesn’t try to live. Because it cannot die. It just Is. It exists, like a great presence, that just watches and waits. It waits for us to seek it out. To find it.

What I came to realize was that my ego was feeding off of so many wants and likes that were living in my head and heart. “I want it it to be this way!” “I don’t want it to be that way!” “I like this!” “I don’t like that!” I had a laundry list of desires that I was attached to in my mind, and I was fooling myself believing that they were the only things that would make my heart happy. But what can really make the heart truly truly happy? Attaining my wants and likes? But then what happens when life brings me things that I don’t want and that I don’t like? Should I just be miserable then? Should I just suffer and live trying to dodge the so-called bad and reach for the so-called good? Personally I found this to be exhausting. And all it brought to me was a bunch of disappointment, a whole lot of unrealistic future fantasy, and a growing blockage in my heart chakra which bred all kinds of emotions such as frustration, anger and pride.

So what did I do to solve this? Finally, after a wild ego fight, I decided to let go of them. I let go of the wants and the likes. I just let go. Stop. Grabbing. For that stuff. And just be. And when the pain of my shattering ego cleared, there was a great light and peace inside. There was nothing, really. So my Soul could stretch out. And I felt freedom. The freedom of letting go.

Now, although I feel that my experience was one of the most profound and important spiritual experiences that I’ve ever had, which led me to a far deeper understanding about myself and life, I feel that it was just the beginning of a new door opening. I need to continually keep my eye on that ego of mine, that starts to build itself back up again in an instant, feeding off of all my opinions and ideas – my judgements and my desires. I’m not saying that the ego is bad, I’m just saying that after awakening my senses with Brain Education all these years, I am able to feel how uncomfortable and unhealthy it is for me to let my ego run my life and make my choices. A far better, although seemingly harder, but definitely greater choice would be to just surrender. Surrender to what is, and let the shell of the self who tries to fight and control it to be otherwise – with endless expectations and untruths – fall away. It’s just a shell after all. A shadow. A story. An illusion. These stories make me sick. And I choose to grow myself into the person who no longer buys into them.

It’s scary. We feel deep down that perhaps we will be painfully lonely if we let go of such stories and habits that have been with us for so long. In a weird way, they have become our “friends.” But such “friends” prevent us from true happiness and peace. They don’t allow us to exist here and now. They are stealing away our precious present moment. That is why we have to take the risk. And when we do, we will find, rising out from that darkness, the truth of Life.

It’s so hard to describe. And, it’s possible that this blog post has failed to do so. However, I wanted to try. Because it is the most important thing that happened to me this year and it wouldn’t have happened had I not had the goal of Letting Go. Letting Go. And still….keep….ever….Letting Go.