Abandonment

Once again, it’s been too long.  I would have liked to have written sooner, by I was consumed by my life and especially consumed by the time it has taken to work on my book.  I feel like I have abandoned my blog and all of you, and that makes me sad.  I myself despise to be abandoned – I have all sorts of issues with it – and I never like to see myself doing to others what I don’t like done to me.

However, as with all feelings, hurts, wounds, emotions, it’s better to just face my feeling.  If I allow myself to feel the pain completely, I can move past it more quickly.  It’s when I want to avoid my pain (of being abandoned, of abandoning others, of any and all hurtful emotions), that the pain chases me.  As I get older and my practice deepens, I find myself more and more tired of running.  Rather than living a life that is tangled up and discolored by the dramas I create, I’d rather just live life as it is.  It feels more fulfilling that way, although the pleasure is different than the pleasure of the drama.  The energy I get from the excitement of reacting to my emotions is akin to eating cookies – so satisfying and delicious for a moment, but if I eat too much, I feel sick.  I can’t live a healthy life on the diet of cookies.  The energy I get from disengaging in the emotional intensity of the drama, the chase, is far less exciting. The energy from facing the moment is akin to eating vegetables: less thrilling but far more sustainable.  As I mature, I feel that what I need is that moderate, healthy, sustainable energy.  That’s what makes me happy, what is healthy for my body and mind, and what feeds my soul.  The deeper joy of vegetables is what I find myself looking for more and more.

Therefore, I am once again facing my pain of “abandoning,” my blog. I’m forgiving myself because it was all done with the purpose of creating my book, a dream that needed an intense amount of time and energy to be manifested.  I’m making a new choice, the choice to begin posting again!  So here I am, taking action on that choice.

Ilchi Lee often talks about the healing phrases of Ho’oponopono as being four phrases that can heal any relationship.  I’d like to express those phrases to you now, in hopes that you will feel my heart:

I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.

I’d love to pick up our conversations where we left off.  Please share with me about your emotional processes these days, your awakenings, your sorrows, your dreams.  Let’s create a healing space together.

 

 

14 Thoughts.

  1. Yaaaaay!! This is so beautiful and honest!! I’ve been wanting/trying to get back to blogging too but I keep hitting speed bumps/road blocks. But you inspire me, even if I just post once a month at first, I think I will get unstuck! Thank you always always for sharing your heart openly. I love you!!

  2. Please don’t feel like that Danielle. I feel confident in saying that nobody thinks you’ve abandoned your blog or your readers. It’s wonderful that you have been putting so much energy into your book, and I hope you have been gaining plenty of fulfillment from that. A blog is for doing just that, blogging, if and when you feel inspired too. You don’t owe us blog posts, but when we get notification of them we’re grateful for them. And did you know that womankind cannot live on vegetables alone? Sometimes she needs cookies 😉but in moderation, just like most things, as you know.
    It’s kind of you to open up a discussion again about the emotions your readers have been feeling lately. On my part I have mainly just been feeling a bit more lonely and tired, but I try to remind myself everyday that I have food and shelter and comfort.

    But out of all the things to feel, please do not feel that you have engaged in abandonment. Few of us have experienced the true abandonment which you have, and we can count ourselves lucky that we will never know those feelings, nor experience the years of deep hurt afterwards.

    Take your time with your book. Self-publishing will always remain an option if you choose it, and that would be completely respectable.

    Enjoy your cookies, enjoy your veg, and give yourself a break.👍

    • Thank you Ruth! It’s good to hear from you. Please don’t let me deprive you from your cookies, chocolates and molten lava cakes…I enjoy mine from time to time too! I just think the analogy works well 😉 I am self-publishing actually, so I am trekking through that process bit by bit. I appreciate your understanding. I enjoy sharing what’s going on in my heart, so don’t worry about me – I know that the faster I face it, the faster it will pass by. I’m sending you lots of bright healing energy for your journey!

  3. Nice to have you back. Thank you for your honest sharing about abandonment. I’ve been working with fears and anxiety. During a recent practice I started with what I thought was a fear of death. As I went deeper I discovered the underbelly and it was actually a fear of abandonment after death. Now that was a surprise!
    I am increasingly aware that insight regarding emotional habits and reasons behind them do not make them go away. They endlessly persist. I can try and create space which might allow for presence. Be the witness. But most importantly is the need to respond to them with love and compassion. I find myself asking: “what do you need?” “how can I help you” to fear or whatever negative emotion may be arising. I realize I can’t change them and resistance is futile. I love what Pema Chodron wrote about fear saying that contrary to what people believe, practioners have an ongoing intimate knowledge and experience of fear. And so the journey continues.

    • I agree ~ Resistance is futile. Just say “Yes” to everything. Inner work is about obtaining freedom from your own inner prison. Enjoy the journey 🙂

  4. So nice to hear from you, Danielle! No need to apologize or be consumed by feelings of abandonment regarding this blog. We all have our demons to deal with in our own way and our own time. Working on your book is a huge accomplishment that most people don’t even attempt. If there’s one thing I’ve learned during this prolonged pandemic, it’s the importance of self-care. This may sound trite, but it’s of the essence. I’ve been consumed by the sad events in the news and realize so much of life is out of our control. That’s hard for me to accept because I’m a “Type AA” personality, who craves structure and organization. I’m hoping for the best in these troubled times. Wishing everyone good health as we navigate through these mysterious viral mutations!

    • It’s good to hear from you too, Alice. And I don’t think that realizing the importance of self-care is trite at all! If we can do nothing else, we can at least give ourselves love first, and, if we have extra, we can share it with those around us. That’s perhaps one of my awakenings during this strange time on planet earth – the power and dire necessity of choosing love for the human soul. If we could all choose love first, I think our world would be a different place in a very short time. But, since we don’t have control of that, at least we can care for, forgive, respect and love ourselves to begin with. I’m wishing the best back to you as well!

  5. Master Danielle, As much as I missed your blog, I was much more afraid that , and suddenly, that your abscence had something to do with the fires out toward your home. I got some terrible flash scenes of the fires somehow affecting your security and safety. I am greatly relieved you are doing ok. I never felt you abandoned me as a fan who follows your great blog. When I commented that I would like to hear about your plans and pursuits, it was also a way to see what was up about those fires. Truly. I know I will be the first one to buy your book!!! Danielle, I am so very sorry that you were abandoned. It must a deep hurt. You have so many friends here and in your classes. I am so happy when I read about all of your experiences. P.S. am still doing don jon tapping and open hand don jon too. it has all the benefits you mentioned and more!!! Keep plowing ahead with your projects and classes!! Thanks for the nice, honest, and wonderfull blog. So honest and refreshing. Keep going!!! Vinson

    • Thank you for your concern Vinson, I am safe 🙂 I am happy to hear that you are continuing with the exercises! That’s great!! Keep up the good work!!! I appreciate you ~

  6. I’m glad you’re back. I hope the book is coming along nicely. I’d love to read it.

    Times have been extremely difficult for me, especially since December 2020: eight friends and loved ones have passed away, with no opportunity for me to physically be present at their funerals. I’ve also been dealing with physical and mental health issues. And yet… Here I am. I’m still standing. The positive things in life keep me going. It’s the little things I enjoy: a sunrise or a sunset, reading, drawing, sitting by the river, spending time with friends. My family is in my home country of (The Netherlands). I’m in France. My friends are like a second family. I’m healing. Slowly. One step at a time.

    • Hello Amanda, thank you so much for your comments. I’m so sorry to hear about your losses. I know that although loss is extremely painful, it somehow has the power to bring us closer to the small, simple beauties of being alive, as you have shared. I congratulate you on your inner strength – to keep standing up again and again in the face of all hardship. Regarding your question about the live broadcast, yes you can go to Ilchi Lee’s youtube channel and the find the replay there anytime 🙂 I’m truly wishing you light & love on your journey.

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